Have you ever struggled to achieve a goal?

You know, you got really excited about a project and then that inner voice said “You can’t do that. You are not capable”.

Before you know it your dream was squashed, before it even had a chance.

I am sure this is a familiar story to most of you. It is for me.

So what’s up with this inner voice that seems hell bend on sabotaging you and killing off your dreams?

This inner voice is your inner critic. We all have one. Without an inner critic we would all do stupid stuff all the time.

Kissing self-sabotage goodbye is not about killing off your inner critic. Far from it, it is about embracing your inner critic.

To do this it is helpful to change our language. Instead of calling this inner voice your inner critic, let’s call it your realist.

Your realist is concerned with all of the practical stuff that needs to get done to get your dreams off the ground.

It doesn’t mean to be a party pooper, though it often comes across that way.

Your realist wants to make sure you don’t get hurt, that’s all. So it points out what could go wrong and what needs attention.

Without your realist you would just be a dreamer but nothing would ever get done.

The key to letting go of self-sabotage is to work with your realist rather than working against it.

Discover the positive intent behind the concern that your realist raises.

Then help your realist to ask better questions, questions that will get a better hearing from you because it is easier to understand the concern.

So let’s look at an example. Let’s say you have a great idea to start a new business.  You can see yourself helping thousands of people while earning a decent living for yourself. Everyone wins, right? What could be wrong with that?

Your realist, however, objects “You can’t do that. You are not capable”.

What’s up with that?

At first glance your realist appears totally unreasonable. The only intention of this objection appears to be to rain on your parade.

Don’t be so quick to judge your realist, however. Ask your realist, “What is the positive intent behind the objection?”

As you reflect on this you may discern that your realist is concerned about the work effort required to get your new business off the ground and how this may affect your relationship with your partner.

So ask your realist, what is the question you want answered? The answer may be “How will you balance the demands of this new venture with the need to spend quality time with your partner?”

Once you understand the real concern you can address it without giving up on your dream.

Your realist wants you to succeed in all areas of your life.

As you train your inner critic to communicate better your working relationship will greatly improve and self-sabotage will soon be a forgotten relic of your distant past.